Reflections: God, guys and love

Evening, lovely friends!

How’s the start of your weekend panning out? Hopefully it’s involving plenty of rest, relax and worship.

And did I mention sleep?

I’ve seriously had the best day today.

Nothing crazy happened.. unless you count my sleeping through my alarm (because I didn’t set it up properly last night) and waking up at 11:22am. Oops (But total #sorrynotsorry because it was the best sleep!).

But then again – something crazy did happen. Today I felt so conscious of God’s presence, and so aware of His almighty love and grace showered upon me. It was just the most uplifting thing.

I’ve been reading a lot through Dannah Gresh’s book ‘And The Bride Wore White’, which I seriously have to tell myself to put down or else I’ll read all night. It’s so challenging, and so encouraging. Her conversational and casual style still cuts right to the chase of the matter, and leaves me both humbled and acutely aware of things I need to change, after every read.

One of the first things that I read in this book was actually the acknowledgements at the front.

(Oh no, she’s one of those people..)

Yes yes – bear with me.

Dannah reveals how worried she was about telling her son about some of the things in her past. She asked him if she was disappointed, to which he said “In what?”

“In the fact that I’d messed up like this”, she said.

“Mom, we all mess up. That’s why Jesus died.”

I mean if that’s not simple and refreshing enough for you, I don’t know what is.

This book is about the secrets to sexual purity, to get to the point. It talks of lust, purity, lies that we’re told by Satan and the world, and ways in which Christian women can be empowered to strive towards a pure and holy life.

Guy in your life, or no guy in your life – this is a must read for all you gals out there.

If you’ve read any of my past blog posts, you’ll have noted that I’ve complained a lot about my love life (read: lack thereof)

I struggle with waiting, and particularly with patience. It eats away at me sometimes: the jealousy of others, and the discontent within my own life in comparison.

Ridiculous, right?

This morning I read through a chapter in which Dannah tells of her decision to end things with her boyfriend, Bob Gresh. They were both strong Christians, both going to church and both totally in love. But their dependency started to slowly rely on each other first, rather than God. Her journal had become full of Him, and not of God. Instead of a pure and slow-burning love, she was headed into crash and burn mode.

45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, 46 who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

Meditating on Matthew 13:45-46, she decided that they needed to end things. They both knew it was the right thing to do, but my goodness it hurt. On her way home she prayed to God, saying Oh God.. I have never sacrificed something to You that I hold so dear. I don’t know if You will give him back to me, but I will trust You to fill this huge void in my heart someday, somehow.

I can’t even fathom that kind of trust in God. It’s something that’s definitely spoken to me and definitely opened my heart to seek and yearn after Him now more than ever.

God’s love is so powerful, so all-consuming and so beautiful. It’s a wonder any of us are yearning after anything other than Him.

But we do.

I think one of the main things this chapter taught me is this: If I were to be in any relationship right now, it’s very likely that it would be heading into crash and burn mode. Fast. Because I’m giving way to all of these pre-conceived notions of relationship and dating – ones of fairytale endings and perfection. Ones that would leave me infatuated with a guy who sins just like me; rather than a perfect and almighty God.

There’s nothing wrong with dating. There’s nothing wrong with love, and for wanting a guy.

But I’m learning that no matter how hard you try to hide it, you need to face this reality:

You can’t be truly leaning into God and embracing Him, yet holding His hand in a desperate attempt to find someone else’s to hold.

You get to know and love God, for God.

Not so that a guy will be impressed by your bible-knowledge or how many sticky notes you have in your bible. Or how many bible verses you can remember off the top of your head. (I’m obviously exaggerating the Christian cliché, but you get what I mean!).

I’m nowhere near in love with God enough to be given the responsibility of loving a guy in the same way. After all, our relationships should be a reflection of God’s love for us. A way to serve Him perfectly and wholeheartedly together.

I’m just not there yet.

And I’m working on it. But with different motives now.

I want to fall in love with God, for God. Not to be noticed. Not to be asked out. Not to find just any love.

But to find His love. His perfect agape.

And this is what surprised me today – I feel ready for the challenge. I feel ready for this struggle with lust and love, and finding my way down the tricky and challenging road of purity.

If God brings along a guy soon, that would be wonderful.

But I still wouldn’t date them.

I’m excited for new blossoming friendships, for sure. I’m excited to get to know my brothers-in-Christ. But as that – brothers. I’m content and confident in His plan, and that His timing works wonders. I’m embracing the freedom He’s blessed me with in my life at the moment, and taking things day by day. He knows my future – He’s in my future right now!

Probably shaking His head at me now, saying: You don’t even know what I have in store for you, my dear. Just you wait!

Oh Lord, I am waiting.

And I know who I’ll be waiting for. That’s right.. Mel made a list. I’ve survived 18 years of no dating and no relationships – I’d happily be single for a great deal longer now, to find the right guy for me. God, I am waiting contentedly and confidently. For a man who is everything on that list, and one that is everything I need to serve and honour and know You forever. To grow and learn and bask in Your love together.

That’s better than any love story even Nicholas Sparks could write.

I’ve had this song on repeat all afternoon (and on repeat right now too!), which you just have to check out: It’s called ‘Ever Lifting’ by Christy Nockels. One of my best friends Leash showed it to me last week – and after finally getting a new iTunes card, I’m giddy with how happy and positive this song makes me feel! I’ll leave the YouTube link at the end, but here’s part of the chorus:

You’re lifting my head so I know You’re near me
You’re lifting my eyes so I see You clearly
Where I belong
You are where I belong

God’s great. His timing is perfect, and His actions are flawless. He is ever lifting us, bringing is higher and closer to Him. Just thinking about the depths of His love makes my heart flutter a bit. He’s definitely revealed a lot of things to me today, and over the course of the week.

Speaking of timing – oops! Mel, you need to go to sleep!

We have a Women’s Breakfast up at church tomorrow (note excitement!!), which starts at 8:30am. I don’t think I’m going to be functioning heaps well with lack of sleep. But man am I keen for fellowship with the beautiful women in our church.

I’ll do a full and proper review and reflection on Dannah’s book when I finish – I’ll try to outline the things that both challenged me and the seven secrets for sexual purity. But don’t expect anything in the next week – I’ll surely finish it this weekend; but I have two essays to write/submit and a tonne of exams to study for this week – prayers please! For motivation, calmness and focus.

Lots of motivation.

I’m praying for you all, too. That God will be working intricately in your lives. And that you will be open to His love. Open to His grace so freely given. And open to it changing you. It seems scary at first – I totally get it. People may think you’re crazy. And you will be! Crazy for Him. The greatest source of love ever.

Thanks for being such a blessing, my friends.

Much love and grace,

P.S. Have you noticed all the new fancy pages in my blog? Go check them out and see what you think! They’re a work in progress, and something I’ll be working on when uni exams are done. But they’re there, so go have a sticky beak! And admire the new banner, while you’re at it. Haha!

P.P.S. Here’s the link to ‘Ever Lifting!’ – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk49UcaFotM